


Nightmare

by Nightmare_insomnia



Series: Nightmare [1]
Category: Renegades - Marissa Meyer
Genre: Suicide Attempt, this is probably really bad it's the first thing i ever wrote i'll edit it someday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-01-22 20:11:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18534655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightmare_insomnia/pseuds/Nightmare_insomnia
Summary: Nova and the other Anarchists attempted to attack Ace's trial where he would be given Agent N, but it failed and Nova was the only one left who was not dead or captured.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was the first fic I ever wrote, so I'm very sorry that's it's not very good, hopefully I've gotten better.  
> I based part one off of a song by ABBA (I've Been Waiting For You)

I, I have known love before  
I thought it would no more  
Take on a new direction  
Still, strange as it seems to be  
It’s truly new to me  
That affection

Ace was gone. Gone. Captured. Dead. Honey. Captured. Leroy. Captured. Phobia. Gone. What was left of her family. Gone.  
Nova walked along the sidewalk, on her way back to her dilapidated row house on Wallowridge, still in Nightmare’s uniform. She had ran for the first few miles, away from headquarters, but after triple-checking that no one was following her, she slowed her pace to a quick walk.  
The Anarchists had attacked the trial. Ace’s trial. It had failed miserably. In the commotion, Ace had attempted to escape. The Captain had shot him. Nova, dressed as Nightmare, had tried to save him. Honey and Leroy had pulled her back. And now they were gone. 

I, I don’t know what you do  
You make me think that you  
Will change my life forever  
I, I’ll always want you near  
Give up on you, my dear  
I will never 

A gunshot rang through her head. Ace. Gone. Another. Her father. Another. Her mother. A sob shook her body as she sprinted down Wallowridge and burst through the door to her house. Evie.  
She had nothing left. Her family was gone. Her identity was surely discovered. Nothing to live for. She heard a ding come from her wristband, which was sitting on her kitchen counter. 

Adrian: Nova, Nightmare is headed your way are you okay? I’m on my way.  
Adrian: Are you dead?  
Adrian: PLEASE ANSWER ME  
Adrian: I’m almost there hang on Nova  
Adrian: I love you

Adrian was the only thing she had, and she wouldn’t have him for long. Soon he would see her as she really was. Nightmare. A fake. And he would hate her. And she knew she couldn’t bear to see his face when he found out. 

She knew what she had to do. 

She sprinted up the stairs to her and Honey’s room. Nova found her knife. She had been preparing for this. She knew that it would come to this. And she was ready. Relieved, even. She would see her family again. 

You thrill me, you delight me  
You please me, you excite me  
You’re all that  
I’ve been yearning for  
I love you, I adore you  
I lay my life before you  
I only want you more and more  
And finally it seems  
My lonely days are through  
I’ve been waiting for you

Nova heard Adrian burst through her front door. “Nova?” His voice was filled with worry. Kneeling on the ground, she raised the knife to her stomach and drew in a shaky breath as heave footsteps thundered up the stairs.  
I’ll carry you all the way  
And you will choose the day  
When you’re prepared to greet me

Adrian burst through the door at the same time she plunged the knife into her stomach.  
“NOVA!” He rushed to her side. “No, Nova, why would you do this?”  
She met his eyes. Those beautiful, deep brown eyes. “I’m sorry, Adrian. There’s nothing left for me here. My family is waiting.”  
“Nova, no. Stay with me. You have me.” He stepped back and pulled out his pen. His eyes widened as he finally noticed what she was wearing. “Nightmare? Nova, you- you’re Nightmare?” Adrian’s eyes hardened as he stared down at her. “Was any of it real?”  
Nova drew in a labored breath. “I’m so sorry, Adrian. I promise-” She gasped, a wave of pain crashing over her. “I promise it wasn’t all a lie.”  
And finally it seems  
My lonely days are through  
I’ve been waiting for you  
Ohhhh  
I’ve been waiting  
For you

Nova’s eyes flickered closed, and she fell into darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

Adrian didn’t know what to do. He had run-no, flew- all 6 miles from Nova’s house on Wallowridge to Renegade Headquarters, crushing her body against the Sentinel's breastplate. Right before entering headquarters, he had ducked into an alley and tucked the suit back into the zipper above his sternum. As guilty as he had felt to put his life above her alter ego, the Renegades didn’t need another shock today. 

Nova. Nightmare. They were one and the same. His arch-enemy. His love. He couldn’t react. All he could do was pace back and forth, watching the prodigy doctor tending to Nova. All the thoughts were rushing through his head. Nightmare. Nova. The knife. She had tried to kill herself. And she was  _ Nightmare.  _ Nightmare who had almost assassinated Captain Chromium. Nightmare who had almost killed Max. Nova, who he was pretty sure he had fallen in love with. 

He wanted to scream, cry, collapse, or just lock himself in a dark room and ignore society, all at the same time. He had only given the nurse a brief explanation, saying that yes, this was Nightmare. Yes, this was Nova McLain. Yes, it had been an attempted suicide.  _ Holy shit _ , she had tried to kill herself. It all went back to that. He was in shock. Nova was Nightmare. And she- 

“Adrian?” Turning around, he was met with an overwhelming number of faces. The entire council was there, his team, minus Danna. Various other Renegades, who had obviously followed the commotion of the entire council sprinting to the med wing. 

It was Hugh who had spoken. Adrian met his dad’s eyes. 

“Adrian, are you okay? She didn’t try to hurt you?”  _ No, I’m not okay. Does it look like I’m okay? _

“Yeah, dad, I’m fine. She didn’t try to hurt me. She just-” He gestured helplessly at Nova, with the nurses fluttering over the stab wound in her stomach. 

Ruby and Oscar pushed their way to the front of the crowd, disbelief on their faces. “Is it true? Nightmare is…” 

“Yes.” He whispered. Ruby gasped and hid her face in Oscar’s shoulder. Adrian walked over to the window dividing them from Nova’s hospital bed, and watched as the nurses finished the tight binding of the gauze around Nova’s torso. She was so pale, her normally tan skin the color of overcooked oatmeal. One of the nurses exited the room, pulling the door closed behind her. 

“She’s still unconscious, but she should make it. Her vitals are steady, and no major organs were hit. She should be healthy enough in a week or two to- for- for a trial.” She glanced at the Captain before returning her gaze to Nova. “If that was the plan.” 

“We haven’t decided. Thank you.” The nurse nodded at Simon, who had spoken, before moving back to Nova’s side. 

“Alright, everyone, move out. There’s nothing more to see here.” The Council ushered the majority of the crowd out of the med wing. Genissa Clark shot a triumphant look at him, and she knew he was thinking of the trials when she had challenged the acceptance of  _ Insomnia _ . A wry laugh burst from him, as he turned and stormed out of the room. He had thought that he would take it well, but the buildup of everything had overwhelmed him. He needed to leave. Disappear, if only for a while. 

He decided to visit Max. In the months since his injury, Adrian had been to visit him as much as he could, as soon as the doctors were sure that he would pull through and was suited for visitors. The Vitality Charm had turned up a week after Nightmare had shown herself, in the bottom of the closet in their kitchen. With the help of prodigy doctors, Max was rapidly healing. 

As Adrian began the long walk to the Hospital, he ran through everything that had happened that day. He needed to tell Max. Someone who would be blunt with him, who would always tell him what he was thinking. 

He stopped by the old mayor’s mansion to grab the Vitality Charm, even though he knew he didn’t need it. There was always a chance that his dads would walk in while he was there, and especially after the events of the day, he was not ready to reveal his alter ego. 

As he opened the door, he heard a sharp intake of breath. Max was staring at him, his wristband still in front of his face. Once glance at Adrian’s face told him everything. 

“So, it’s true then? You found Nightmare?” Adrian nodded, and sank into the chair closest to the bed, his face in his hands. 

“She tried to stab herself.” 

Max gasped. “Is she-”

“Not yet.” He gulped. “Max, Nightmare is-”   
“Nova. Yeah, I know.” 

A wave of shock and anger spread through Adrian. “You knew? How long? How could you keep this a secret, especially after she almost killed you?”   
Max blinked. “She didn’t stab me. It was Frostbite. She was aiming for Nova, but she dodged as I was sneaking up on her trying to get the helmet, and she hit me. Nova was trying to save me. Don’t tell me you didn’t suspect her, even a little bit?” 

He stared at Max incredulously. “How could you not say anything! Sweet rot, I went to Nova’s that night. After she had stolen the helmet. She comforted me, not knowing-”

“Adrian. I’m fine. Nova would never hurt me.” 

“I know,” he whispered. 

“You need to go see her. Talk to her. Tell her the truth, and nothing but the whole truth. You know how she is, but she may open up if you tell her the whole story.” 

Adrian sighed. “I don’t know if I’m ever going to be ready for that conversation. She lied to me, tried to kill multiple people I love, and taunted me at every possible moment about my mom. Even after she knew who I was, and what she meant to me.” 

“She’s not supposed to be awake for a couple of days at least, right? Think about it. You know Dad and Pops will say the same thing.”

“I know.” 

“It’s up to you, Adrian. No one can make you say a word to her, and no one will ever force you to forgive her. That’s only something you can decide.” 

Adrian cracked a small smile. “You’re starting to sound like Simon. I swear he said that a couple of weeks ago.” Standing up, he reached down and ruffled Max’s thick blonde hair, and walked out of the Hospital. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Nova shot up, gunshots still echoing in her head. She gasped, a wave of pain coursing through her body. She was shaking as she felt for the bandages around her torso. “No no no NO!” She was still alive. She wouldn’t see her family. 

_ Damn Adrian Everhart. _ He had saved her. And now they all knew who she was. She would be arrested, tried, and most likely neutralized. And she would have to live. The Renegades would not let her die. 

“Hello, Miss  _ Artino _ . Glad to see you’re alive.” Captain Chromium was glaring down at her, with the Dread Warden at his side. They stood above her, waiting for her to speak. She shrank into the bed as far as she could, wishing that she could go back to sleep. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Her voice was almost gone. “I wasn’t meant to live. It wasn’t supposed to go on this long.” 

The Captain’s face softened. “Adrian is a mess. He hasn’t spoken to anyone in days, not even his team. He spends all his time with Max in the hospital.”

“Is he okay? I heard―”  
“You didn’t hear about it. You were there. You can stop the charade, _Nightmare_. We know you tried to kill him. And Adrian. And me.” 

Nova inhaled shakily and looked up at him. “I didn’t stab Max. It may have been my fault, but it  _ wasn’t me. _ ” 

Simon scoffed. “Please, The Sentinel saw you standing over his body, covered in his blood. Do you expect us to believe you’d try to save him? Forgive me,  _ Nightmare _ , if I don’t completely trust you.”

“Believe what you will. I would never try to hurt Max. He’s a child. Just like I was when  _ the Renegades didn’t come. _ ” She curled into herself and winced as a wave of pain swept through her body. “You made me into this,” she hissed, glaring up at them. “You killed my parents.” 

_ Bang.  _

She flinched as the gunshot rang through her head.  _ Bang.  _

_ Bang.  _

The final gunshot. 

_ Evie. _

“Please leave,” she whispered. 

_ I can’t take it anymore.  _

 

***

The Captain and Dread Warden had left a little under an hour ago, and Nova was still curled up as much as she could be without disturbing the bandages around her torso. Her head was buried as far into the pillow as possible while still allowing her to breathe. She was mostly being ignored by the nurses, for they left her mostly alone after her condition had stabilized. They came in every few hours to change out her bandages and slather it with an antibiotic ointment. Mostly, though, she received dirty looks and silent threats from the other side of the glass. 

She had gotten no more visits from the Council, nor from her team. No. Not her team. She was not a Renegade. She was an Anarchist. 

A soft knock rang through her ears. Nova didn’t bother to raise her head, she knew that they would come in anyway. 

“Nova?” Oscar and Ruby were standing at the door, staring at her. They stepped inside, and another face appeared in the doorway behind them. 

_ Danna. _

She hesitated on the threshold, glancing at Nova, before stepping into the room. 

“Hey.” Danna was standing a couple of feet away from her cot, an unreadable expression on her face. 

“Great skies, Nova, what were you thinking? Do you know how worried we were? How could you do that to us?” Ruby was towering over her, tears in her eyes. “When Adrian brought you in, there was so much blood, we thought you were dead.” The last words were barely a whisper. Oscar reached out and grabbed Ruby’s hand, squeezing it gently. 

“I―” Nova began. The words died in her throat. 

“It’s okay.” The words came, not from Ruby or Oscar, but from Danna. Turning to Ruby and Oscar, she explained, “Yes, she is Nightmare. Yes, she tried to hurt us and kill the Captain. But it isn’t entirely her fault. I may not have been able to hear what was going on in that cathedral, but the Anarchists are all that Nova has. They manipulate her because they’re all that she’s ever known, and they know that they can use her. Nova may have done terrible things, but she’s not to blame.” Danna took a deep breath and looked Nova straight in the eyes. Nova shrank back from the intensity of the stare, but Danna’s eyes weren’t angry. They were sad. 

“How could you?” Danna whispered.

Nova drew in a shaky breath as tears filled her eyes. “They’re gone. The Anarchists, my family, the only people that ever cared about me. Adrian took away the only chance I had to see someone who cared about me for who I truly am. And now I’ve lost him. I have lost  _ everything _ , and I can’t take it anymore.” Her last words were barely audible over the sobs shaking her body. Hiding her face in her arms again, she managed to choke out two words. “Please leave.”

Nova didn’t move until she heard the door close quietly behind them. 

 

***

Adrian hadn’t left the house in days.

“Adrian? Can we talk to you?” Simon’s voice cut through the quiet atmosphere of the jungle in his studio. After returning home from HQ, he had exiled himself to the basement, intent on destroying the mural and every memory that came with it. Falling asleep with Nova on the floor. Kissing her for the first time later that night, on his couch. Flipping through his sketchbooks, talking, just being with her. But the second his foot touched the moss, he knew he couldn’t do it. No matter what Nova Artino had done to him, he couldn’t destroy her sanctuary. Instead, he sat against a tree trunk and opened his sketchbook. The first drawing was his concept art for the mural. He traced his fingers over the small flowers and leaves, remembering Nova’s face when he had brought the mural to life. She had stared at the jungle in pure amazement, she had even teased him about his alias undermining his ability. Adrian flipped to the next drawing and gasped.  _ Nova. _ He had drawn her as she lay on the floor of his art studio, and had been ready to show it to her, but he figured she wouldn’t take kindly to knowing that he had been watching her for a couple hours as she slept, so he had panicked as she woke up and flipped to an image of a half-drawn toucan. 

“Adrian?” His dad appeared in the doorway, his face the perfect image of fatherly concern, “How are you―” Adrian glanced up, and watched as Simon took in the sight before him. Adrian, sitting against a tree in wrinkled clothes, a sketchbook open on his lap to an image of Nova, tears streaking down his cheeks. Simon kneeled in front of him, placing a hand on Adrian’s shoulder. 

“I’m so sorry, Adrian. I know you cared for her. We all liked her. Hugh and I especially. And I think we both know she cared for you too―”

Adrian shrugged Simon’s hand off his shoulder and turned away. “She didn’t. Nightmare is a villain. She isn’t  _ capable _ of love. Anything we did is a lie and I will never forgive her. Ever.”

“Never ever . . . ever?” 

Adrian glared at him. Simon was  _ laughing  _ at him, trying to remind him of Nova at the trials. Reminding him of how he had let a dangerous villain into the Renegades, and all because he thought she was pretty. Well, not just that. Nova was. . . amazing. His mind spiraled, taking him back to his favorite moments with her. Their stakeout at the library. The Sidekick Olympics. Kissing her in the jungle currently surrounding him. The gala. 

“Never. She played me, Pops. She played us all.” 

“She’s not entirely in the wrong, Adrian. We went to see her. She’s a mess, and she feels terrible. She asked about you, you know. To us and the rest of your team. I’m not going to force you to do anything, but I think we both know you’ll go eventually, for whatever reason, and you’re the only one who gets to decide that.” 

“Max told me that. . . that it was Genissa Clark that stabbed him. That Nightmare―Nova―tried to save him.”

Simon’s head shot up and he groaned. “Oh, for all the stars―I yelled at her when she denied hurting him, after all she’s been through.  _ Shit. _ ” He ran a hand distractedly through his hair and rose. “I’ll have to tell the Council. Just. . . think about it, Adrian.” With a weak smile, he turned and hurried out of the studio, his wristband already raised to his mouth, preparing to send a message to the rest of the Council. 

Adrian sighed and flipped back through the sketchbook, before returning to the image of Nova. He carefully tore it out of the sketchbook and rose, walking out of his room. 

 

***

Adrian leaned against the wall outside of Nova’s hospital room, the rolled up drawing clutched in his hand. He was planning to slip it onto her side table while she was asleep and leave. Peering through the window, he saw that Nova was curled on her side, face hidden by the pillows. He watched her for a moment, ensuring that she was actually asleep, before opening the door as quietly as he could and stepping across the threshold. 

Adrian slipped the paper underneath the vase of flowers set on the table and turned to go. Pausing, he pulled out his marker and crossed the wall. He uncapped the marker and drew a rose onto the wall, just like he had the night before their non-date at the carnival. Adrian set the rose on top of the drawing and turned to leave, but before he could move, the bed shifted and a quiet voice whimpered from beneath the blankets. 

Adrian shuffled closer to the bed. Nova was shaking, her eyes closed and tears streaming down her cheeks. 

“Nova?”

***

Nova started as a calm voice cut through her nightmare. Her eyes fluttered open and she jolted upward, gasping as pain ripped through her body. 

_ Adrian _ . 

He was standing over her, concerned and confused. His brow scrunched up as he reached towards her face to brush away her tears. 

Nova flinched as his fingers made contact with her skin, and he pulled back. She sighed and turned away from him, burying her head in the pillows again. 

Adrian was silent for a moment, and Nova could tell he was watching her. Soon enough, however, his footsteps traveled around the bed and stopped right in front of her. Fingers brushed against her hair and she sighed, leaning into his hand. 

“I’m here. You still have me. You’ll always have me.” His voice wavered, and as Nova turned her head up to meet his eyes, his gaze hardened. Nova shrank back, pressing her body as far into the bed as she could to escape the outburst that was sure to come. “I’m just here to talk.” 

Nova tilted her head up slightly to meet his eyes. 

“No,” she whispered. “You don’t. You want to get as far away from me as you can. I betrayed you, lied to, hurt you and the people you love. I almost killed you and Max and your Dad. There’s no reason you should even be here.” Her voice rose as she went on, but her whole body ached still. Nova winced and took a deep breath. 

“Then tell me why I am. Tell me why I still care, because I sure as hell don’t know. You’ve almost taken everything from me, and I’m still here.” 

“Adrian—”

“How could you?” His words quavered, and if it was from of rage or emotion, Nova wasn’t sure. 

“I’m sorry I lied to you, I’m sorry that I hurt you, but I don’t apologize for anything else. The world needs to change, and no one else will do anything. The anarchists are my family, the only family that's ever been there for me, ever since the Renegades practically murdered my family. They promised to protect us, Adrian. They  _ promised _ . And they didn't. My family was murdered in front of my eyes because the Renegades lied." 

"That’s not what I—but, Nova. . . you do know that they've been manipulating you your whole life, using your hatred of the Renegades to serve their cause?"

"Everyone keeps saying that. You, Danna,  even Ruby and Oscar agreed with her and they've never met the anarchists. None of you understand us or what we've gone through. None of you have tried. You're too fixated on your perfect society. News flash, Everhart, it's not perfect. It's a dictatorship. The council has complete control and no one gets a say in anything. And you know what the worst part is? They don't even know it, and they won't until it's too late. The council will destroy us and the people won't even realize it." Nova took a deep breath, suddenly spent.  

“People were dying, Nova. Innocent people were dying every day because of Ace Anarchy's vision. Did you ever think that without the revolution your family would be alive? Those people would be alive without the Age of Anarchy. Your family would still be alive without Ace Anarchy.” 

Nova stared at him in shock. “How could you say that?” She flinched. The gunshots were back, and louder than ever. She curled into herself again and watched as Adrian stared at her helplessly. 

 

***

Adrian had never been more conflicted. First, he was saying that he could—never forgive her, then comforting her, saying that he would always be there for her, and now arguing with her?  He was at war with himself, his two sides fighting for control. He wanted to forgive Nova. He loved her, wanted to be with her. But she had tried to kill his dad, her uncle was a supervillain, she had lied to him for months. He watched Nova as she flinched, fighting the visions that were engraved in her brain, that resurfaced whenever she closed her eyes. 

“Hey, it’s okay.” Although he knew this was a terrible idea and he may come to regret it, Adrian pulled back the covers and climbed into the bed next to her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him, letting her cry into his chest. Adrian ran his fingers through her hair and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “You’re okay. The bullets aren’t real, you’re safe.” 

Nova’s sobs slowly receded and her breathing slowed, and when Adrian bent down to kiss her again, she didn’t respond. She was asleep. Not quite sure what to do, Adrian attempted to get up, but Nova’s arms were wrapped around his waist, and although she was tiny, especially compared to him, she was strong. Adrian sighed and rested his head on hers and closed his eyes, slowly drifting off to sleep. 

***

Nova's eyes flickered open as she dragged her brain out of blissful sleep. She'd never understood why people liked to sleep, it left her dazed and vulnerable. But it also provided her brain with rest, a time to stop thinking and sink into nothingness. And with Adrian there, his arms around her, she could sleep without being plagued by bullets and blood. 

Nova fidgeted in Adrian's arms, for between him and the blankets, it was really warm. She slid out of his grasp and winced as her wound burned. 

The memories from the past few hours—days, even—all came flooding back to her and she gasped, tears filling her eyes. 

_ What was she thinking? _

With the Anarchists gone, there was no one else to accomplish her goal. Only her. If she disappeared too, all they had fought for would be for naught. Things would not change without her. But maybe she hadn't gone about it correctly. Maybe she should voice her opinions, collaborate rather than destroy .

"Nova?" She jumped and turned to Adrian. "Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, yeah. 'M fine." 

"Don't ever do that to me again, you got that? At this point, I don't care that you're Nightmare. Your life is too precious. To you, to me, to—" 

"I won't. Just—just stay with me. Please. I can't lose anything— _ anyone _ else."

"You never were going to lose me, you know that? I'll always stay with you, Nightmare or not. Maybe you can be my  _ Daydream  _ now." He cracked a smile and looked so pleased with his pun that Nova grinned too. 

"That was pathetic." Her smile faltered, and she stared down at her hand, which Adrian had grabbed moments before. "What did the Council say? Life imprisonment, knowing them. Just like the other anarchists." She grimaced, glaring at the door that led to HQ. 

“They haven’t decided. But they know you didn’t… hurt Max. He’s still alive, thanks to you. Thank you.” The last words were whispered, almost inaudible. 

“How is—” Nova began. 

“What happens—” 

Adrian chuckled. “You first.”

“No, go ahead.”

“What happens now? What are you going to do?” 

“Assuming I’m not arrested, I’ll help rebuild the city as it should be. A lot has happened in the past years that needs to be fixed. I’ll reveal myself, get an apartment, and begin working.” 

“The people don’t have to know who you are, you do know that, right? You could live your life as Nova McLain. We can say Nightmare was killed, that she’s gone with the rest of the anarchists. You don’t have to—”

“I can’t. Word would get out no matter what. The entire organization knows and all it takes is one word and it’ll be over. I won’t do that to myself. I am,” she paused, looking up at Adrian, “Nova Artino.” 

 


End file.
